Sunday, May 14, 2006

Deconstruction in an Elevator II

And speaking of elevators . . .

Another elevator at work sports a sign that says, "If this elevator stops between floors, do not be alarmed. There is very little danger of running out of air." Very little danger!?! Until I read that sign it hadn't occurred to me there was any danger of running out of air! Falling, maybe--the sign goes on to reassure me that there is "very little danger" of that, either. Very little. How much, exactly?

"Do not be alarmed," the sign says. "Press button marked 'alarm'" (scare quotes in original). Well, if I'm not supposed to be alarmed, why have an alarm button? I'm getting more alarmed by the second. Now I look, and I see that there is no button marked "alarm"!!! That is alarming. I start to feel I am running out of air. The doors open and I run gasping into the lobby. Every day is an adventure.
(originally posted in my dusty live journal)

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1 comment:

mary said...

Uh...I am hyperventilating just reading this!

An office I recently visited had an interesting sign inside the elevator, which you don't notice until you get in and are behind shut doors. Something along the lines of: "If you get to the second floor and the door does not open right away, do not panic. Allow several seconds to go by, and after making sure the elevator has come to a complete stop, then press the 'door open' button. Do not press the alarm button without trying the 'door open' button first."

This sign was enough to guarantee I will never---ever---take that elevator to any floor ever again. Did I say "never" and "ever"?